tis the season

amidst the job searching and the daily chores, the holidays have crept in. and although i have an unknown future on the job front, i am still fully ready to participate in those holidays.

decorating brought back a flood of memories. when we were first married and shoved a massive tree into a small saturn and got needles everywhere. when scott was gone the first and second time, and christmas included trips to west valley detention center and deep longings to share the holiday without glass separating us. the christmas when kayti was 19 months and ryan was a newborn and wore a baby santa hat.

life keeps going. some of our decorations have traveled the whole journey with us. some of them remind me of specific times or people along the way. do you remember the ornaments you have exchanged and the people who gave them to you? i feel like they are a part of my christmas story now.

i love my starbucks christmas cds. they usher in the season for me as i bake and address envelopes for christmas letters. they keep me company while i watch snow flurries through my winshield as i drive around a town that has been my home now for almost three christmases. we are hoping this one is white.

the kids can't get enough of elvis' "santa bring my baby back to me." they put on santa hats and dance around.

and scott hunts. and hunts. and hunts. he has yet to get a deer this season and i just hope it happens soon. he has spent hours in frigid temperatures, in the dark, in a tree, waiting to get eyes on something he can shoot with a bow or a gun (depending on the season). the deer he's seen have not been in range, but he recounts their majesty to me. he also tries to explain how awesome it is to just be in the woods in the quiet. he has found something he really loves. and i am learning to be okay with that. learning is the key word. i just don't like the absence of him in our home and i am partly jealous because i don't have a comparable hobby/passion.

last year i worked the whole season. now that i have no job, i can really marinate in the smells and sounds and the time with family.

so that is the season so far. memories, the present and hopes for things to come.

the interview

i went in to the interview knowing about the company (a very classy local marketing design firm with clients nationwide and around the globe) after carefully familiarizing myself with their web site. i knew their mission statement, or enough about it to discuss it. yet, i didn't know what "job" i was interviewing for.

my colleague from tufw got the position we both applied for. she interviewed first, and she is the one that told me about the position. but they said they wanted to meet with me anyway. turns out they are buzzing with work. they are looking for people who would be a good fit, and then determining what they would do. it went well. and their corporate culture is super cool.

i am going to meet the owner next wednesday for a second interview.

we will see where it goes. i have never worked in that arena before--but i am up for the challenge. i will keep you posted.

i have another interview tomorrow with a different company. not as cool, but i've got to do my due dilligence.

it's monday

it is a dark and chilly morning here in fort wayne. i have an interview wednesday and i am trying to find other jobs to apply for in case that is not a fit for me. i have sent my resume to a few places, but none that sound like a match for my passions.

it is a day like this that makes me thankful we are getting paid until december 24th. i need time to find my next job.

it was a great and hilarious weekend in our household. we had lots of fun together. we laughed so much from early evening to bed time. what fun!

i am thankful for a husband like scott. he is amazing. he is both fun and super dependable. i can lean on him when i just can't hold myself up.

holding on

we watched our nieces and nephew last night. my nephew, coleson, is about 10 months old. he is LOVING the stairs. so we would walk up behind him, ready to catch him if he fell. then he wanted to turn around and go down the stairs head first.

my husband held onto his pants and let him give it a try. he eventually realized that it was not a good idea, and cried out for help. we were there to comfort him, and laugh a little.

makes me think about god and us. as we begin to launch out in ways that are inapparently (is that a word?) dangerous to us, is he holding onto us and laughing a little bit (lovingly)?

just made me think, and brought a tear to my eye. i think he is there and gives us time and time again the opportunity to get it right.

in the book "the shack" it talks about how each of us has x amount of times it will take for us to learn a lesson. for some it might be 20 times. others it may take 50. but each time we are one step closer. it implies that god knows this and he says okay, only 19 more times until he/she learns the lesson. i'll try and find the quote and post it. it was powerful.

here we are

god takes us on some interesting journeys. he has taken me through so many things i would have not chosen for myself and has allowed me to make choices to go places and do things that i choose.

i chose to apply for a job in may that would take me from a job (basically an income stream and a place holder on my resume) to a continuation of a career. it had its rough spots, but i was loving the job. i was nestling in and getting ready to pursue new heights within the assignment, when i received news that the job is over.

taylor univeristy fort wayne is closing. therefore, we are not recruiting new students. since my job is to recruit students through various mediums, i am no longer needed.

my heart is hurting. we were right on the cusp of greatness. i believe we were turning things around. we were calling, blogging, touring and sharing the message of the distinctives of the university.

i miss my student ambassador team. they made 3000 calls in their first month on the job. they wore their smart shirts with pride and connected with the prospective students they hosted. they went the extra mile. they made me proud. and now they are trying to figure out new paths--each his own.

so here i am. at the fork in the road, awake and ready for my next assignment. i will not settle for another place holder position. i want to use my gifts. i want to do great things. but it sounds like that is all about me.

what does god want for me? it may be a job that i wouldn't choose for myself. it may stretch me in skills or in patience. it may bring great joy or it may be another test of my character. how will i respond?

so here, in this place, at this time, i choose to trust. i am thankful for time. time to search for and to be found by my next employer.

in the meantime, family life is fluttering about me, and i am both awed and challenged by my children. this is the primary job he has given me. and i don't want their years to slip away from me. so i choose to sit and watch my little pony if it means a great time for mallory. and i am willing to push kayti to do her personal best in school and require ryan to pratice spelling even when it is not an "official assignment" from the teacher. (that really makes him mad!)

from now on the posts won't be this long. this is the begining of a reflective journey on life as i know it.